Adam's Music Reviews #7 - Alternative Christmas Songs

It's December and the airwaves are awash with Slade, Wizard, etc. In fact I only need to name the artists and you'll know exactly what songs I'm referring to. Nice as many of these tracks are, this a blog for those who fancy a festive change from the norm. Scouring my music collection I've tried to find all the Christmas songs that you won't hear played on the radio. Let's begin, as all music lists should, with the Beatles.

The Beatles – Christmas Time Is Here Again (1967 / 1995)

This was just a recurring jingle on one of the group's annual Christmas discs for fans, but it was nicely edited into a full-length track as a B-side on the 'Free As A Bird' single released in 1995. The lyrics are somewhat minimalist and Paul McCartney would revive the 'O-U-T spells out' motif on his 2013 track 'Queenie Eye.' I wonder if there was a wry comment on the 'bigger than Jesus' furore in the line 'Been around since you know when...' Who knows. The track ends with John Lennon putting on his best Scottish accent for an atmospheric little bit of nonsense.

The Sensational Alex Harvey Band – There's No Lights On The Christmas Tree, Mother... (1972)

...They're Burning Big Louie Tonight. That's the punchline folks. Yes, this is a Christmassy tale about a man being arrested and sentenced to death by electric chair, consequently shorting out the electricity and prompting the singer to observe that the Christmas tree lights are off. Alex Harvey was a distinctive performer from Scotland with a superb bunch of musicians, often employing risque lyrics, but occasionally there was a moral message, such as regarding protecting the environment. Any DJ willing to play this gets a Victoria Cross for bravery.

Wings – Rudolph the Red Nosed Reggae (1979)

This one's safe. It's a quirky instrumental rendition of the traditional favourite, which appears as a bonus track on the album 'Back To The Egg.' Harmless fun which started off as the B-side to the much more often played 'Wonderful Christmastime.'

Paul Simon – Getting Ready For Christmas Day (2011)

The opening track to Paul Simon's album 'So Beautiful Or So What?' An unusual rhythmic track with something resembling gospel chanting in the background. Paul Simon was no stranger to Christmas songs, especially when teamed up with Art Garfunkel. Guess who's next...

Simon and Garfunkel – 7 O'Clock News / Silent Night (1966)

The duo sing the traditional favourite with just a piano accompaniment as reality breaks in in the form of a particularly nasty edition of the 7 o'clock news. The juxtaposition seems to say something about the essentially fantastical nature of believing in peace on earth for a single day of the year. It's the only Christmas song I know with brutal murders in it. Simon and Garfunkel did record the odd Christmas song straight however, such as Star Carol, God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen and Go, Tell It On The Mountain. All are worth checking out.

The Who – Christmas (1969)

Another dark Christmas song. This one was part of The Who's rock opera, Tommy, contrasting the Christmas that most children have with the severely limited experience that the deaf, dumb and blind central character has. 'How can he be saved, from the eternal grave?' Harsh stuff, hey?

Chas & Dave - Long, Long Ago (1986)

Just when you're thinking 'Where's the warm Christmassy glow in this lot?' along come Chas & Dave to fill the void. I remember my sister coming home from primary school having learned this as a carol. The teachers must have been pretty quick off the mark to have snapped this yuletide classic up at the time. The Cockney lads eulogise 'Winds through the olive trees softly did blow' while accompanied by a brass band. The B-side of Silent Night is also very nice and there's no seven o'clock news this time! It just goes to show that the pair of Londoners could be serious, although this is as rare as Christmas in February. talking of which...

Lou Reed – Xmas In February (1989)

Venturing across to the dark side again, this one is from Lou Reed's album New York, essentially about the lack of work prospects making army life seem appealing, and the consequent rescheduling of Christmas when you're busy with the 'kill or be killed' stuff on December 25^th.

Roy Orbison – Pretty Paper (1963)

Roy Orbison is in country mode while exploring the often visited theme of being lonely at Christmas. The song seems to reference homelessness in the second verse, so it could even be a socially conscious Christmas song. Right, wipe that tear away, we're going 'punk' next.

Eels – Everything's Gonna Be Cool This Christmas (1998)

The B-side to the wonderfully festive 'Cancer For The Cure' is actually a fairly straight Christmas song in a slightly 'punk' style. 'Baby Jesus, born to rock.' Er... enough said!

Monty Python – Christmas In Heaven (1983)

Of course it's not serious! This was the musical finale to the comedy group's film 'The Meaning Of Life.' Really it seemed to be satirising the stereotypical 'American' idea of what both Christmas and Heaven should be like.

Joni Mitchell - River (1971)

This occasionally gets a play on BBC Radio 2 but I'm including it as it isn't as well known as it should be. It opens with the notes of Jingle Bells on the piano in an uncharacteristically melancholy fashion before Joni begins the sad tale which is a similar theme to Pretty Paper, being that of the bustle of Christmas going on around a lonely person who wants it all to just go away.

Eric Bogle – Santa Bloody Claus (1993)

Another satirical one. Eric Bogle is a writer of poignant folk songs, but he occasionally lets his hair down with a number like this. It's a little bit rude and I'm not sure if he was trying to compete with Kevin Bloody Wilson here, in which case Mr Bogle's song will seem positively tame.

Bob Dylan – Must Be Santa (2009)

This is a bit of a cheat as it actually does get regular airplay at Christmas on BBC Radio 2, but the sheer brilliance of Bob Dylan doing a traditional Christmas album with a voice that has been completely ravaged has to be lauded. This is perhaps the standout track on 'Christmas In The Heart' but in this house the entire CD gets a spin every Christmas. Bob makes this Christmas favourite his own by listing the names of recent USA presidents among the reindeer. Was he being subversive? Oh, I do hope so!

Pink Floyd – Roger's Boogie (1968 / 2016)

A track that lay in the vault until the release of the band's megalithic box set 'The Early Years.' This is clearly an attempt at a Christmas song with a lyric about Gabriel coming to the stable, and even in the 'anything goes' psychedelic era that it was recorded, I would still say that it's something of an oddity in the Floydian catalogue.

Bob Dylan – Winterlude (1970)

Not a Christmas song per se, but every bit as seasonal as 'Baby, It's Cold Outside,' 'The Power Of Love' and 'Stay Another Day.' Here the legend that is Robert Allen Zimmerman uses the good old fashioned theme of engaging in romantic pursuits while the weather outside is frightful.

Adam Colton & Teresa Colton - Make A Fat Cat Fatter This Christmas (2015)

'Who?' Come on, this should be a Christmas number one! We're a mother and son folk duo and this is a satirical song about Christmas commercialisation. Legendary DJ Dave Cash gave it a spin on BBC Radio Kent and so should you. And just in case you think we're being too irreverent my mother's two self-penned carols 'Shepherd Boy Carol' and 'Whisper In The Wind' should prove otherwise. All are on the album Mixed Messages.

So now the bit you've waited for - if you want to listen to them here's the playlist. Bob Dylan's record company seem to want to hide 'Winterlude' so the list is one track down. As the onion seller always says, that's shallot!

STOP PRESS: The musical musings and humour continue in '2021: A Musical Odyssey' - now available in digital and paperback formats.

Adam's Music Reviews #6 (Dec 2020)

It was while walking to the car one day that I realised that programmers are missing a great opportunity to create a game called 'Social Distancing.' The character walks relentlessly down an alley as people come towards him at various positions along the path. The gamer has to move the character left or right on the path to maintain two metres distance. There could be a second round set in the aisle of a supermarket with the added interest of trolleys and prams being used as battering rams!

Er... That said, yes, here we are, still in tier three in Kent, which is about as exciting as watching emulsion go from a liquid state to a solid state. Thank goodness for music. And beer! So here I am with another batch of albums that I've blasted my way through since my last post, occasionally getting up to join in on the guitar or the keyboard on my way to the fridge. People of the future, this is what 'hedonism' meant in 2020...

Blur - Parklife (1994)

I remember my sister wanting this album on in the car on a family holiday to Lancashire in the nineties and finding it irritating. Like Liam Gallagher, who compared Blur to Chas & Dave (who I actually like), I had dismissed the band prematurely based on an accent. Schoolboy error. This album has far more than the singalong anthems of 'Girls and Boys' and 'Parklife.' There's some punky stuff in the form of 'Bank Holiday,' a Syd Barrett pastiche called 'Far Out,' and the album's highlight in my opinion, 'This Is A Low,' an anthem that the Oasis boys would have surely been proud of.

Blur - The Great Escape (1995)

Critics panned this album and declared Oasis the winners of the Britpop war at the time, but in hindsight this was unfair, especially knowing now that Blur went headlong into avant-garde territory with their next two albums. They were no 'one trick pony.' This one has a similar structure to Parklife with some anthems like 'The Universal,' which sees the band emulating the gang of thugs in 'A Clockwork Orange' in the video, as well as the odd punk blast, and the National Lottery themed anthem 'It Could Be You.' However, in spite of the great melodies and harmonies, there is a darker feel to this album than Parklife, from the jaded guest vocal from Ken Livingstone on 'Ernold Same' to the resigned sadness of 'Best Days.' If your mood needs picking up again at the end, simply replay the openers, 'Stereotypes' and 'Country House.'

Hawkwind - Levitation (1980)

This album is Hawkwind at a junction point, returning to a certain extent to the space rock and psychedelia of their early years. The rock anthems like Motorway City, Levitation and Who's Gonna Win The War are broken up with ethereal instrumental music. The bonus tracks go much deeper into experimental territory, particularly the completely bonkers 'Douglas in the Jungle.' 'Valium 10' is also good fun (not taking it, listening to it, I hasten to add), and the live rendition of Brainstorm gives an oldie of theirs a twist, opening with a jazzy drum solo. (Review refers to disc one of the three-CD set.)

The Beatles - Abbey Road (1969)

It does seem that no matter what new music and genres I discover, the Beatles always get a regular airing. There were perhaps more adept musicians around in the sixties, but there is something legendary about the combination of the four of them with George Martin, the only contender for the epithet 'fifth Beatle' in my opinion, as he literally made the impossible possible. Perhaps it is partly the way four working class lads conquered the world and partly the 'love and peace' ethos, sadly lost in the era of Trumpism and hate masquerading as political views. Visit the Cavern Club in Liverpool and you'll find it still alive. Anyway, Abbey Road, what can I say? Classic follows classic, and there is Paul's symphonic finish which even Elbow couldn't touch with their rendition of Golden Slumbers a little while back. One of my favourites is 'I Want You (She's So Heavy)' which sees the foursome simultaneously dabbling in jazz, lyrical minimalism and heavy rock. I rest my case!

Photo: Myself on the famous zebra crossing in 2011.

The Beatles – A Hard Day's Night (1964)

One from the earlier years of the Beatles. Young and innocent days? Well, not really, and I get the impression that John Lennon in particular hated the manufactured image. Anyway, the music holds up. My favourites are not the big hits but the more introspective songs, particularly 'If I Fell' and 'Things We Said Today.' That said, the rock and roll of 'You Can't Do That' is tremendous, with Ringo pushing the cowbell into overtime. When you think that this was hastily assembled as a soundtrack, you realise that the Beatles could just churn out quality at the drop of a hat! Other favourites of mine from the early years are 'I'll Follow The Sun,' 'Anna (Go To Him),' 'Baby, It's You,' 'Yes It Is' and 'This Boy' which all have a surprisingly melancholic quality for such successful young men.

Oasis – Definitely Maybe (1994)

Often the first album released by an artist has a vibrancy that the other albums don't quite have. Examples in my opinion go from John Lennon's first proper solo album 'Plastic Ono Band' to Travis's 'Good Feeling.' I sometimes put this down to not having the comforts of money and fame, but I've already undone my own argument with the 'John Lennon' example as he'd had a good six years of both by then and appeared thoroughly sick of it! So, Oasis. When this album came out the band literally were an oasis in the desert of dance tracks that filled the charts. Guitars were back in and I let out a 'Hallelujah.' Favourites of mine are the psychedelic blues of 'Shakermaker,' the brooding mantra-like 'Columbia' and the epic 'Slide Away,' announced by its memorable opening guitar note. There's even room for a bit of comedy with 'Digsy's Dinner' and 'Married With Children.' People said they were the new Beatles at the time, although the influence wasn't blatantly obvious until the release of 'Whatever.'

I've also added a new Miles Davis album to my collection recently, a mix of ethereal ambiance and eighties lounge jazz called 'Aura.' However, after only a handful of listens I don't feel qualified to review it yet. I'll be back with another batch soon, and again, and again, and again, until the poxy pubs are open! Please Boris, we're climbing up the walls here. And that's a Radiohead reference to finish. Another time...

STOP PRESS: The musical musings and humour continue in '2021: A Musical Odyssey' - now available in digital and paperback formats.